I think back over the last 5 years and reflect on how I would hide the pain. The first few years I just stuffed it as far down deep inside as I could. Not wanting to take the medications the doctor would prescribe because they made me tired and not myself. This resulted in terrible stomach issues and I had to take medication to repair that!
After a while I realized the pain was here to stay so I began to put on my "Go out in public face." You know the one I am talking about... Makeup, Hair just right and a big smile on my face. Throwing myself into my job listening to all my clients troubles and to forget my own. Then coming home and suffering until the next day. I know my husband and sons will attest to this. I have been a bear to live with at times. I hate what I have put them through, for what? So I could be tough and no one would see me weak and vulnerable.
I did such a good job of hiding my pain that when I finally couldn't do it anymore many were shocked to find out I even had health issues. I realized how silly it had been for me not to share what was going on in my life. How many prayers from others I had missed out on. I didn't want to be a whiner, but truly I have talked to so many that have hidden the pain they carry around for the very same reasons. I am not saying that I will be going around telling everyone my pain level or the physical things that are happening to my body as a result of this disease I have, but rather that if someone asks I will be a little less behind my mask and allow them to care.
I hope you will share your Mask stories with me!
Blessings,
Keri
Proverbs 3:5&6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding:
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
About Me
- Pain-Free Journey
- Lets see...I am social person. I love to be around people. I started my career as a Hairstylist in 1987 and was passionate about it until I was no longer able to in 2007. I now manage a hair salon part time and enjoy sharing my knowledge with the stylists that are just starting their careers. I have been married for 16 years and have two boys 19 and 9! They are a tru joy in my life! I have 12 chickens and 1 Rooster. They are a hoot and I love the fresh eggs. I also enjoy reading and cooking. I have something called Thalamic Pain Syndrome. I have been suffering for 5 years now, but it has just been recently that I was diagnosed with this. Oh I have had plenty of " We think this is what is wrong" so to finally know what was causing my chronic pain is a huge relief
Hi Keri,
ReplyDeleteGlad to have a blog to share these things!
People are shocked when I tell them I have a chronic pain condition. I put on my "public face" my I am "normal" face. The conception is that people with pain are supposed to be in bed, moaning and groaning. With my chronic pain, it is has become a part of me, unfortuanately, and I have learned to live with it and that means struggling like mad to get through the grocery store without fainting from exhaustion, working as much as I can, (part time) and going to school where I struggle to get through one hour of sitting still in a classroom. While trying to maintain some level of normalcy my biggest fear is that social security will see that I am active in my live and take away my disability income. Without it I would have no quality of life. Now, I can manage a p/t work schedule. If it were full time, there would be little energy for anything else. I feel I do a good job of balancing so as not to make my health worse. I think most of the people I know would think I was crazy if I said "I'm afraid I will lose my disability." They wouldn't believe that I was even disabled. People who know me and my daily life know how hard it is just to go to the store and do laundry in the same day. It is a no no for me. I think I hide my pain because If I expressed how I really felt, angry, depressed, hopeless and confused, then I think I would scare people away, or make it worse for myself.
I just do what I can from day to day. :)
Laura,
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how excited I was when I checked the blog this morning. I am so glad you posted. It is so helpful to know that someone understands how we feel! I just recently started working part time and it has helped so much. I always would push myself so hard thinking that if I just pushed a little harder I would some how get better. Instead I would end up in bed trying to recover for a day at least sometimes two. Now that I have a diagnosis and somewhat understand what is happening to me I am taking it much easier on myself.
Have a blessed day!